How to Stop Falling for the Wrong Guy

EDIT: This is a formerly unpublished post that I wrote back in 2017, the year I would meet my now husband. We all have a journey and a story. This is part of mine. I hope it encourages you to embrace yours and keep moving forward.

Some of us fall for the wrong guy EVERY SINGLE time. It's annoying at best, heartbreaking at worst. We all have a different "wrong guy" too.

Some of us always go for the player. We see it coming from a mile away, he keeps us low profile, acts like our BFF when we're one-on-one but in a crowd, we're just someone he kinda knows. We know he is playing us but for some reason, we're convinced we'll be that girl that entices him into a committed relationship.

Some of us always go for the bad boy. What players hide, bad boys flaunt. Seven "girl friends" - he flaunts them. Drugs - he advertises it. Parties - he attends them all. Rebel - he redefines the term. We know it's all wrong but dang, he sure makes life feel exciting. Somehow his free and easy style makes us think that a new life is right around the corner just waiting for us to embrace it.

Some of us always go for the "almost good enough" guy. It's as if we're addicted to perfection with one glaring fault. We don't care what the flaw is but we can guarantee it will be destructive. Possessive, clingy, needy, immature, rebellious, violent, it might be any one of these or something different altogether. Regardless, it will destroy him or us or both.

We know who our wrong guy is but we don't know how to stop falling for him. We feel helpless like a hamster stuck on a wheel that won't stop spinning. How do we put a stop to the insanity?

1) Identify your wrong guy. When we read through that list above we all nodded a little bit and that one we know we fall for. Call yourself out. Say it out loud. Ask a trusted friend to hold you accountable. The thing is, we can't call a timeout on ourselves unless we know what we're calling a timeout on. Identification is the first key to jumping off the wheel of insanity.

2) Believe the truth about yourself. A lot of times, we go for the wrong guy because we are believing a lie. - we don't deserve better. This is the only type of man we're capable of attracting. This is our only chance at romance. We have to have SOMEONE in order to be happy in life and he's a someone - lies cause us to compromise, truth causes us to grow. The truth is that you are worth standards. You are stronger than your "natural inclination" to go for the wrong guy. You can lead your heart. Your happiness in life is not dependent on a "someone".

3) Create boundaries. Don't even start that conversation with your wrong guy. Don't let that wrong guy have any part of your body or emotions. Create boundaries and then be bold enough and brave enough to believe in them and live by them.

This might be one of the hardest things you will ever do. I would be a hypocrite if I said this was easy for me or that I've even begun to implement it all in my own life. Despite how wrong the wrong guy is somehow he still gives us a sense of belonging and value. It's scary to deny ourselves that present pleasure in exchange for a better life in the long run. It's often the scary things in life, however, that are the very things worth doing. If you're still in doubt, remember this; the good things in life come from God (James 1:17) be brave enough to walk into what is good and leave behind what is not.

Impossible Dream

I don't remember how old I was when I had this dream of going to college. I remember being young. My mom was facing some huge health struggles that kept me home helping with my younger siblings. Finishing high school seemed a long way off. There was no money for when the time of attending college would roll around.

I had an impossible dream.

Four years after graduating high school I enrolled part time at a community college. I would end up working two to three part-time jobs to pay my way through those first semesters. Every semester I would be amazed that there was actually enough money to pay for that semester's classes. Every class I would be determined to get good grades.

Five semesters of community college and I transferred online. I would end up working full-time and studying at nights. I'm 10 classes from finishing my degree and it still seems like an impossible dream. The classes are harder. The time to study is more scarce. The career wants attention. Important relationships need me. This degree still seems like an impossible dream.

We all have a dream that may never seem possible until it is done. 

I know the journey gets exhausting. You start to question if this is really your dream after all. You wonder if the cost is worth the outcome.

I don't know what your dream is but I'm still working on mine. Despite doubt, set backs and frustration I'm choosing to remember that whatever the outcome, the process is what I make it. The things I learn along the way are most important. The person that this dream shapes me into is what I will walk away with in the end.

"For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also."  Luke 12:34
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